


Moving Forward

by ForeverLilacLies



Category: The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Crushes, Fantasizing, Forgiveness, Guilt, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Smitten Negan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-23 20:57:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16626326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeverLilacLies/pseuds/ForeverLilacLies
Summary: Negan's had time to think of the person he's become and the person he wants to be for Rick.





	Moving Forward

**Author's Note:**

> AU oneshot for the show and comic. Negan’s on parole or something.

Being a prisoner had its benefits. Not many, barely anything worth noting, but still…it gave Negan time to think. It gave him the opportunity to see life from the perspective of the enemy. It gave Negan time to realize that he may have been wrong in the end. That his way wasn’t working and would never work and that Rick had been right. Carl’s death had left a dark smudge behind, one that Negan could never wipe away. Especially with the words he had thrown at the kid’s father right after. It truly shamed him when he thought of it. Using the future serial killer’s death against the person who had wanted to keep him safe…it hadn’t been right and it hadn’t been true.

The loss of Lucille had been difficult, but it gave Negan time to reflect. What he had become and what _**his**_ Lucille would think of him. Rick treated Negan better as a prisoner than Negan would have treated Rick. He wouldn’t sugarcoat it and claim he would have shown Rick mercy if he had come out victorious. Negan knew who he was and he knew despite thinking Rick was a fine piece of ass, he would have made sure Rick would never stand against him again.

It just went to show who the better man really was.

In time, Negan drew back his talons, stopped baring his teeth and Rick began to grow…not kinder per say, but more understanding. More human and less victor. Rick had allowed Negan to have at least an hour outside a week. Usually, he would follow Rick to the gardens and help him there. It was the only place he didn’t have to worry about judgmental eyes following his every move. Rick was quiet, didn’t goad or push at Negan, simply going to task and Negan honestly did not want to make things harder for him. Not anymore.

Negan looked forward to that hour, always looking out the barred window to check the weather and waiting excitedly for Rick to walk down those stairs. It became obvious very quickly that it wasn’t the hour of freedom Negan was craving. It was the hour being side by side with Rick. Rick would help him with planting, patient as he helped the man look over the vegetables that were ready to harvest.

 

_“That one ain’t any good, Negan. Look at those brown spots.”_

_“Those carrots ain’t ready yet. Let’s give them another week.”_

 

Negan could listen to Rick explain vegetable care for the rest of his life. He wasn’t to proud to say he hadn’t daydreamed about it. Him, lounged out on some fancy ass chaise, dressed in some flimsy ass shirt while Rick waltzed around him, carrot in hand, listing off carrot facts in that drawl of his.

 

_“Carrots are 88 percent water…”_

_“You can leave carrots in the ground during the winter…”_

 

He’d run the carrot up Negan’s chest, while Negan listened like the good student he was. Of course those dreams quickly turned into something a bit more…Negan and well, usually it ended with Negan plowing Rick with a carrot or something. A whole different kind of harvest…he could dream.

Eventually, he began to crave more. It was fitting. He was Negan. He always wanted more. He wanted to show Rick that he was changing, that he could be trusted. He didn’t care what anyone else in the community thought. Just Rick. It had always been just Rick.

Negan was offered a chance when the walkers managed to get through the wall. It had been a fuck ton of luck that it had been sunny that day and Rick and him had been busy in the gardens. The hour had already passed, but Rick had begun to push a bit more, allowing Negan to linger. Judith was spending the week at Hilltop, allowing Rick to get more done around the community. Negan had been to his elbows in dirt when the shouting began. Rick looked up from his end, brows furrowing. He slowly stood, nodding to Tara to watch over Negan.

“I’ll be back.” He murmured, laying his gloves down in the dirt and walking towards the gate. Tara strode towards Negan, watching Rick walk off with her head cocked.

“Sounds like fighting.” She mused, sounding uncertain. Negan wiped his hands on his pants, quiet and listening as Rick disappeared around the corner. In a split second, there was chaos. A section of the wall collapsed and there was a wild panic as walkers began to pour in. People were running, some grabbing weapons and others looking for shelter. Tara aimed her gun at the nearest walker and shot it down before Rosita grabbed her and yanked her back. Everyone was scrambling, desperate to get to safety. Negan was moving towards the chaos, however, eyes searching wildly for Rick. It took him a moment to spot the familiar mop of curls in the crowd. He used the shoved in his hand to decapitate a walker lumbering towards him.

“Rick!” He shouted, stalking closer. Rick fell back, caught between several walkers. He was surrounded and rotten fingers were reaching for him, curling around his arm as those mouths began to descend on Rick’s shoulder. Negan took the shovel and jammed it own into the walkers soft skull with as much force as h could, listening with satisfaction as it squelched against the dirt. Rick turned towards him and Negan lunged forward, grabbing Rick’s hand and dragging him along. Three walkers shambled after them and Negan ran faster, grip tightening on Rick who shot at the nearest walker. There was the garden shed nearby and Negan all but threw Rick in before slamming the door shut behind him. He shoved the shovel under the door handle, jamming it shut and backed towards where Rick was.

Their breaths mingled as they waited for the walkers to pass by. Negan hadn’t realized how tightly he was holding onto Rick shoulders until his arm started to ache. He released Rick slowly, reluctant to let go. He needed to check him over. That suddenly became the most important thing to Negan. He needed to be sure there were no bites. He ignored Rick’s struggles and assurances, hands running up his arms and down his sides, looking and feeling for any mark, heart hammering.

“Nega-Negan, I’m _fine_!” Rick grasped at Negan’s wrist, halting his search. Negan’s fingers curled over Rick’s hand, dark eyes fixed on his flushed face, searching him over.

“You sure?” He asked, voice barely a rasp. Rick nodded, releasing his grip on Negan’s wrists, staring at him in confusion. Negan avoided his eyes, slumping against the opposite wall, listening as the walkers outside snapped their jaws, pawing uselessly against the door.

“Why would you help me, Negan?” Rick asked, leaning his head against the wall. Negan released a low breath, wiping at his face and smudging the dirt and sweat. He didn’t answer for a long moment, staring down at his dirty nails. How could he possibly explain that the instant he saw the walker’s mouth brush close to Rick’s shoulder he had panicked. How the very thought of Rick being bitten and dying made Negan plan his own death. There was no Negan without Rick. Negan couldn’t find the words to say this.

“I wanted to be better.” He said instead and Rick looked at him curiously, cheek bruised and eyes so fucking blue. Negan continued to stare at his dirty fingernails. “I don’t want to be that guy, anymore. I couldn’t just let you…” He couldn’t even bring himself to say the words. Rick and dying had no place in his vocabulary. “Never thought it would get this bad. At the Sanctuary…I just wanted to save everyone. I know. I’m not making fucking excuses. I know what I did was fucked up, Rick.” Negan couldn’t meet Rick’s eyes. “You helped me see that…you helped me see another way. That’s why I sat in your cell. That’s why I saved your fucking life.” Rick stared at him, brows furrowed and expression suspicious. Negan lowered his eyes. “I couldn’t just watch you die.”

“Thank you.” Rick murmured, watching Negan closely. “You didn-”

“Shit, c'mon Rick,” Negan groaned. “Course I had to save you. Couldn’t just let you d…couldn’t just…not.” He trailed off. Rick rose a brow, head still leaning back against the wall as he looked at Negan.

“I still appreciate it, Negan.” He drawled, shoulders relaxing slightly.

“Look,” Negan breathed through his nose sharply. “There’s something I needed to tell you.”

“Now’s a good time as any.” Rick indicated to the shed, the groaning of the walkers fading slightly. Negan shifted, wiping his sweaty palms on his knees.

“It’s about Carl.” He watched Rick close his eyes, but he pressed on; The words falling from his mouth. Rick was anticipating more abuse and accusations. Negan only wanted to put them to rest. “When I said it was your fault-”

“Negan-” Negan kept talking, ignoring Rick’s interjection, fighting the urge to reach for Rick.

“I’m sorry, Rick. It wasn’t true and it wasn’t fucking right of me to say that shit to you.” Negan muttered. Rick blinked at him. There was a ghost in his eyes, something that would never go away with the loss of his son. He nodded at Negan, saying nothing. “Wish things could have gone different…wish I could have been different.” Negan’s voice was solemn. He tried to apologize, to explain himself, but he couldn’t get the words out. Rick’s lips curved up into a slight smile, blue eyes bright.

“It’s not too late Negan,” He murmured. “You made mistakes in the past…did horrible thangs, but life goes on. You can still grow.” Negan stared at him, expression torn between incredulity and exasperation.

“I think I’m stuck like this, Rick.” He argued and Rick slowly stood, hand using the wall as support. He moved and to Negan’s surprise, sat down beside him.

“If you were stuck like you were Negan, you wouldn’t be out here. I never would have let you out if I didn’t think you were changin’. You’re becomin’ a better man, Negan. I see it everyday, even if you can’t yet.” Negan’s cheeks heated up at the unexpected compliment. Rick’s shoulder was nearly brushing Negan’s and he fought the urge to lean against him. Instead he tilted his head so he could get a better look at Rick.

“You sound like the apocalypse version of Mr. Rogers.” He teased and Rick laughed softly, tongue running over dry lips. His hand rested beside Negan’s, his knuckles bruised.

“I think he was onto something.” Rick replied, smiling at Negan. “Life doesn’t gotta be so hard and angry. There’s still room for life and growth. We still have tomorrow.” Rick’s voice was so assured, it made Negan’s chest warm. He reached for Rick’s hand, curling his long fingers over Rick’s smaller ones and giving his hand a gentle squeeze. They peered out the window, the walkers were gone and a strip of sunlight reflected off over the dust in the air. After a moment, Rick squeezed back and in that second, all felt right with the world.


End file.
